Type A Mom's Birthday Party Planning Tips

When I first started planning birthday parties for my kids I realized it’s very much like planning the filming of a movie and its eventual release!  For both movies and birthday parties there is a lot of work that goes into planning the details ahead of time, then there’s work during the actual party/movie release date to make sure all the behind-the-scenes planning is executed correctly, and then the party/movie release is over and never to be repeated in that exact way again but you take what you’ve learned from making it and apply it to the next one. Once I realized that planning a birthday party is like producing a movie, I leaned upon my training and experience as a movie executive to plan my kids’ parties!

After using my movie making skills to plan over 20 kids’ birthday parties (shocking right? but with three kids aged 10, 7, and 4 it’s true!), I learned a lot and have found that once you have set your budget, there are five key overall areas to keep in mind when hosting a birthday party.

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Type A Mom’s Five Key Birthday Party Planning Tips:

1. Timing Is Import

When making a movie it’s important to know the timing of your release date because that will inform when you can actually film the movie since you need to be finished with filming and editing by that release date. And, that filming timing will inform which actors and actresses you can hire because it must coincide with openings in their schedules.

For birthday parties, it’s much the same as making a movie – like a release date, you know when the birthday day is and so you need to find a location/theme that will work with that date. To book a location and plan, you’ll need to work backwards from the birthday date so that you can find availability at places since they can book up ahead of time.  And then, just like finding actors and actresses who will be available for your movie, the more notice you give invitees the more likely it is that they can attend!  

Here are the timing details I’ve found that work for birthday party planning:

1. Three months out: start planning the big details – location, theme, timing – so you can get the space and time you ideally want
2. One month out: send out the invite so people have time to make a plan to attend or not
3. Three weeks out: order all decorations and party favors to allow for shipping delays/errors
4. Two weeks out: order and confirm all food/drinks/cake 
5. Three days before: send a confirmation email out to attendees 
6. Day of the party: be sure to get started setting up everything earlier than you think you need to because it always takes longer than you think!
7. 30 minutes before the end of the party: gather to sing Happy Birthday and serve the cake (or cupcakes or cake pops or popsicles or donuts – whatever works for your family) – it’s pretty standard that once you gather to sing together you are signaling to the guests that the party is wrapping up and it’ll be time to leave soon

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2. Invitations Must Be Very Clear:

The preproduction, production and postproduction of a movie is scheduled out in extreme detail.  There is a limited time for each of those stages of making a movie to happen and without a well-done schedule it would be impossible to get everything done efficiently in the time allotted. The schedules created for each part of making a movie are very thorough and clear, and updated as needed during each stage of filmmaking to keep everyone and everything focused on completing a great movie on time and within budget.

When you’re planning a birthday party, it is the invitation that serves as a “schedule” of sorts for the invitees so they know what to expect.  Like a well done movie schedule, a clear invitation can alleviate so many questions from attendees by providing many details upfront – this will ultimately save you time from having to reply to the same questions over and over again!  An invitation also sets the tone for the party which is very important.

Below I’ve listed a lot of details you’ll need to include – keep in mind that most online invitation platforms allow you to do a cute invite with some details and then they have a place when people RSVP that has room for additional details that may not need to be on the front of the invite (for example, parking information).

1. State the birthday kid’s name and age they are turning – consider using their last name too to further clarify since there may be more than one kid that the invitee knows with the same first name as your kid
2. Set a specific start and end time for the party – people are planning their day around things like naps, sports games, siblings’ activities, etc. and need to know exact timing of the party
3. Let invitees know what the theme of the party is and what activities there will be in case they need to wear something specific (beach day, snow play, gymnastics party, all have different attire needs)
4. State the location and if the party is indoors or outdoors so people know how to prepare
5. Explain what type of meal (or not) will be included so people know how to feed their kids (and themselves) ahead of time – you don’t have to do anything elaborate here but stating “snacks and cake” or “brunch and cake” is a great way to explain the level of what food will be available
6. Clarify whether or not siblings are included in the invitation – you may think that addressing the invite to just your child’s friend makes this clear but from experience, it is not clear unless you state it – since many play places have a max capacity for parties and/or charge per kid, this is an important note to include!
7. Once your kid is turning 5 you’ll need to clarify whether or not the party is a drop off party – that age seems to be when people start asking if it’s a drop off party
8. If there are specific parking instructions list them, and if there is a waiver from the play place that participants need to sign then include that or let invitees know they will need to fill one out when they arrive at the party

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3. Provide Enough Food and Drink for Everyone:

One of the best parts of a movie set is “Craft Services”.  This is an area where there is always food set up for anyone who is a part of the movies to have a snack or drink whenever they need it.  Keeping up everyone’s energy on a movie set is crucial to making a movie, and similarly, keeping up everyone’s energy at a party is crucial to keeping that party going well! Providing fuel for your guests does not have to be elaborate but a little something in addition to whatever you provide for the celebration at the end is always a good idea!

1. Water is key – provide pitchers of water and cups (or point out water bottle filling stations or provide water bottles) at parties no matter what – other kinds of drinks are optional but water is really important!
2. Be allergy aware and try to offer things that are clearly nut free and consider if there are other allergies with the kids to be aware of and highlight with the food
3. Make sure that you include the adult chaperones in the food and drink planning – I once hosted a party where I underestimated how much adult food I needed and I felt terrible!

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4. Ask Your Child for Input:

A movie is made from a script which a writer either created themselves or adapted from a source like a book or true story. Including a writer in the movie making process is extremely helpful since they are the ones who created the idea in their heads and will know what little details will be crucial to making your movie special.  When planning a birthday party your child is the entire reason for the party so delivering some specific wishes of theirs will bring such special and unique moments to the party!

Once kids are past the age of 3 they understand that birthday parties are special and they begin to remember their party and their friends’ parties, and they can often have strong feelings about theme, activity, food, cake, etc. – including them in the planning can make it really special for them. Plus, it can be easy to get lost in the minutiae of all these party logistics but including your child in some decisions will bring both them and you so much joy!  

1. Choose a few things that you are okay with them making the final decision on and present the options – for example, you can offer a choice between two locations (both of which you’ve vetted for budget/weather/age appropriateness/etc. and know are available), or you can ask for what color tablecloths and balloons they want, or if they want cake or cupcakes and what flavor they want
2. Ask your child what activities they want to have – they’ve attended birthday parties they love and they will have thoughts on what they did at those that you may have not considered – and try to include one of the things or a version of something they pitch to you
3. This process of including them in the planning ahead of time can also help kids be less anxious about their party – they’ll be able to prepare for what will happen and who will be there

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5. Expect That Some People Who RSVPed Yes Will Not Attend:

The opening weekend box office receipts (aka the amount of money a movie makes the first weekend that it’s in theatres) are very important to a movie!  The better the opening weekend box office numbers are for a movie the better the overall financial performance will be for that movie.  There are sophisticated companies whose job it is to start figuring out how a movie is “tracking” to do financially on its opening weekend.  Everyone who works on a movie eagerly awaits the first day “tracking” is released on their movie which is usually 3 weeks ahead of the opening weekend.  When the numbers come out that day, they are always in a range of numbers to show what is a high or a low option for what could happen opening weekend. As the opening weekend gets closer, and audiences become more aware of the movie coming out, the numbers get more and more realistic.  Working on a movie and seeing those numbers can be exciting or disappointing!  You always know that the movie could underperform tracking and so you begin to focus on the low end of the numbers so you can set yourself up to be realistic.

A kids’ birthday party RSVPs are similar to tracking a movie’s opening weekend. You see the RSVPs come in and start to plan for food and party favor numbers, but you know that things may shift before the party happens. When I first started planning kid birthday parties I was so surprised by the fact that people cancel the day of the party, or just do not show up. As soon as it had happened a couple of times I looked at the pattern and I realized that this happening makes perfect sense – unlike an adult party with adult attendees, kids can be very unpredictable!  They often wake up sick and may have been up all night, so of course they will need to cancel last minute!  After years of this happening, these are the two things I focus on:

1. I now allow for about 10% of RSVPs to not show when figuring out the final numbers.  More than that may cancel, but some kids and/or siblings also show up without RSVPing, and I’ve found that 10% fewer than said yes is the sweet spot for numbers.  This is especially important to account for when sending final numbers to a party space that charges per child since you don’t want to be charged for no-shows!
2. I do not take the no-shows/last minute cancellations personally.  I’m a parent and I understand that circumstances can sometimes be out of your control!  As someone who has had to cancel last minute I do try to let the host know as soon as I can in the hopes it can help them plan their numbers.

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I hope that all my experience planning my kids’ birthday parties can help you as you plan your kids’ parties!